I usually share SEO tips or internet marketing advice on this blog. But not today.
I want to share something with you today that’s been eating at me for a long time, but I’ve never felt comfortable addressing publicly. This will most likely hurt my reputation I’ve spent years building, but I can’t hide the truth about what happens behind closed doors in the upper echelons of the IM industry anymore.
I was at a VIP party at a very popular Internet Marketing event, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed a small group of people standing around a well known marketer, who was obviously in the middle giving some really good advice.
For reasons of privacy, I won’t mention the event or any personal details.
After a few minutes, the well-known IM’er giving the impromptu class said, “Listen…you have to make things so easy even a f**king ni**er could understand it.”
I was stunned.
What happened next surprised me even more.
Laughter and agreement from those listening. Now, I understand someone not wanting to embarrass this person by calling them out in public…that can be understood. But that’s not what happened…
Someone else in the crowd said: “So funny you say that! I use what I call “The Ni**er Test” on all my websites!”
So there I was…at one of the biggest IM events of the year, in a group with several thought leaders in the industry…and was in utter disbelief at the unapologetic racist language.
What would you do in that situation?
Right now you are probably in disbelief and disgust that the “n-word” was used in public and was accepted so easily.
Thank God that most of us (aside from a few bad apples in the IM industry) are dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love for our fellow human beings.
Then pinch yourself for living in a dream…because you are no different.
Pinch yourself for each time you have called someone else a “retard”.
If you have been wondering about my opening story, I’ll tell you that it didn’t happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed?
The group of people didn’t use the word “ni**er”. It was never said at all.
They used the word “retard.” He said, “You have to make things so easy even a f**king retard could understand it.“
I just swapped what is regarded as the most hateful word in the English language, for one that is equally hateful, but completely accepted by our current society.
The IM industry is actaually the most accepting and open community you could ever find. So this article has NOTHING to do with acceptance or bigotry in this industry. I’m simply using this to get a point across.
This article is about the fact, that the word “retard” is accepted everywhere. Do you even flinch when you hear:
“That’s retarded”
“He’s short bus kinda special”
“You are such a tard”
Probably not…popular movies use the word and we all laugh…thinking nothing of it. But if the n-word was replaced…it would grate our nerves and make us physically sick.
So, why am I writing an article like this…that could be taken out of context and offend people in this industry that I love so much?
As most of you know, my son, Jackson has Down syndrome. By no fault of his own, he’ll spend his entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that he will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, he will never be accepted. That’s why I’m doing this.
I’m doing this because I want to help change the world for Jackson as much as possible.
I’m doing this so that each and every one of you thinks before the next time you use the word “retard”, before the next time you shrug off someone else’s use of the word “retard”. Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them.
Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren’t being locked in their family’s basement anymore. The mentally handicapped aren’t rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love.
I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn’t ask to have a mentally handicapped son. He didn’t choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I only hope that, one-day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all he, and other children like him, want to give.
This article was inspired by Soeren Palumbo’s speech at his high school several years ago. See it here: http://youtu.be/CoqaNG0Ozqc
PLEASE SHARE ON FACEBOOK, TWITTER, and /or GOOGLE+. SPREAD THE WORD AND LET’S MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE.
Leave a comment and let me know what you though too. :)
Right on, Brian. Blessings to you and your family. Thanks for speaking up in this way and helping to remind us all about the power our words have to shape our world.
Thanks!
Spot on Brian. Too many “disgusting” and “derogatory” words are being allowed to be seen as acceptable. The day our children came home using the word retard they were told it was as unacceptable as the n-word, the f-word etc etc. That message needs to be coming from more than their parents lips so I thank you for the opportunity to show this article to them tonight. Unfortunately, our movies, radio announcers etc have been allowed to get away with it and suddenly… society doesn’t even know how low they’re crawling.
You’re a great man Brian… this article proves it. We can all be great also by speaking up too. Silence is not golden, it’s yellow.
The “retarded” talk is rampant everywhere, even outside of internet marketing. I can see how that would hurt to hear people say that especially when you have family members that have this condition.
But the n**ger talk that you mentioned is pretty surprising. I associate internet marketers with very tech savvy people, and therefore, open minded and nondescriminating. But I guess that isn’t always so.
The n-word was never used. I just replaced the retard with it…to illustrate a point that one word is socially acceptable but the other is not.
Thanks for reading!
The n-word was never used. I just replaced the retard with it…to illustrate a point that one word is socially acceptable but the other is not.
Lovely Brian and spot on. Brave strong and true words. I have worked in the Special Needs & Mental Health arena in my country New Zealand for over 20 years. It is always a privilege. I am always stunned by their brilliance and tearful at their unconditional giving. Pleasure to read and inspiring, I see the pictures of your son. An abundance of cuteness and more, truly is! Karen
Thanks Karen!
Brian – I could not agree with you more. I honestly physically wince when I hear both words, because they are so degrading and pejorative. And yes, anyone who thinks the majority of people are against using this type of speech is dreaming. I am truly surprised when I hear either word spoken freely in open conversation.
I wish nothing but Blessings for your little guy and your family. My personal belief is that people such as your son are actually better than those of us who aren’t a little different, just because of their innocence. They will never get bogged down in the day to day idiocy that we do, they will never get jaded, they will never hate and as you mention they will never look at another human being with judgement. In my opinion, thats a hell of a lot better way to go through life than those of us that are labeled “normal”.
Hugs to your guy!
Great to hear your comments, Ann!
Thank you….
Great article Brian.
It takes heart to write such a piece to get a point across. I have felt the pain of what you said except the “n” word was used often towards me growing up on Los Angeles, I am of mixed race but was always linked as a “n” sad, very sad.
As you stated, it is no different for someone that is mentally handicapped that faces the day to day challenges of today’s society.
You are most correct my friend that there is no difference in the way to two examples are challenged. Each day someone is hurt by another because of their race or a a mental or physical condition. We are all born they way we are without choice. The very reason all others should find within themselves to extend their hand to another to comfort and assist anyone that crosses their path in life and walk away knowing just a little goes on forever and is a benefit to all humankind.
I wish you well my friend.
Great insights Tony.
I don’t even fault people for using the word…unless I address them privately on it and they continue to do it.
I used the word before too…I just didn’t know.
Hi there, Brian!
Good You spoke out!
On the other hand, Children with Dawn syndrome are the sweetest, loving Kids in the whole world, so You are a lucky Dad. While You have to overcome challenges most parents never deal with, in a few years, while all them will be pulling their hair off their scalps, not knowing how to deal with their teenagers, You will still have it real sweet
Hugs from Mexico to all your Family!
Best,
Ana Danel
I wouldn’t change him for the world…but trying my best to change the world for him.
Thanks Ana!
I wish you would’ve called out this marketer at least given initials. To hear such talk is ludicrous and that person needs to be held accountable. At the very least, put him on blast so that others can decide if what he or she said is worth (or not worth) still following them as a so-called leader.
The n-word was never used. I just replaced the retard with it…to illustrate a point that one word is socially acceptable but the other is not.
..and the person that said it is actually a really great guy. He was just unaware that “Retard” was a hurtful word.
Thanks for reading!
Brian,
I enjoyed the post. My brother and I did the Best Buddies ride last year. This group helps pair those who are mentally challenged with mentors and others to assist them and help them grow.
After finishing the 100 mile day on the bike at the party afterward a gentleman who was mentally challenged spoke in front of the audience that had to be well over 500+. He was an excellent speaker.
He spoke on how hateful the word “retard” was. He spoke of growing up and how it made him extremely depressed and caused him untold harm.
It was horrible (but in a good way) to hear his story and how the word made him feel. We must all do our part to educate others (as you are doing with this post) to raise awareness of the issue.
I wish his speech that he gave at the Best Buddies event was on YouTube. It was fantastic.
Thanks for sharing.
Joey
Very familiar with Best Buddies. Great organization.
Thanks Joey!
Thank you for sharing this. This is definitely an eye opener!
Thanks for reading Emran!
Brian,
The irony for those that use such words is that they are usually unknowingly revealing their own blindness – that of judging and invalidating any that don’t fit what they set up through their own ego filter. This dysfunction makes one feel better about themselves by tearing others down.
It’s the worst kind of blindness, and when it’s permanent it’s far worse than any that don’t have the ability to see with their eyes. This malady is the source of many of the ills in the world, and I’m glad and proud to stand with anyone who will call it out when they see it.
Its sad that the world is this way by default, and we have to work to pull it to a happier place…but it can be done.
Thanks for reading.
Brian,
Man, thank you for having the guts to speak out about what is soooo obvious to some of us. As a African-American entrepreneur, what you witnessed is not news. After over 22 years marketing online and offline it’s clear that there are no nooks and crannies that are free from the stain of racism and ignorance.
I wrote the following in my online journal just the other day. It contains a particularly anticanescent point of view and I’m posting it here as I originally wrote it so if these are moderated, it’ll probably not make the light of day.
I wrote: The “N” word. It’s too much political correctness for the word “Nigger”. People just need to take responsibility for what they say…more so for what they think. Just saying “the ‘N’ word” doesn’t negate the effect of what is meant. Saying “the ‘N’ word” put’s the picture in my head when you say it; how can masking what you say with a trite, politically correct catch-phrase negate that?
A lot of it has to do with the overly reactive, much too sensitive nature of the color divide…especially on the dark side of the divide. We like to say that nigger is only a term that other black folks can use with other black folks. So why is it that self-deprecation our responsibility alone?
Oh, so “nigger” and self-deprecation don’t belong in the same group? So, why all the fuss when the word migrates outside the black community?
We can’t have it our way or no way at all, especially when we profess adherence to a higher ethical/moral standard.
Does this ring a bell: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, except that which is good for the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearer.”
Funny thing about words. Whenever and whatever we speak is not only heard by others. Unless we are deaf, we hear the words that we speak!
“Nigger” or “the ‘N’ word”…whether you’re black or white, take responsibility for what you think and say. Above all, if you’re not going to have respect for, and minister grace unto everybody else…for the sake of all that is honest, just, and of good report…minister grace and have some respect for yourself!”
All of us choose whether to be deliberately ignorant. Bravo to you for what is your obvious choice.
Wow…thanks Reginald. Great stuff
Great comment Reginald…but the truth is – most of the business folks we know would never use the ‘n’ word — what they DO feel more free to use is ‘retard’ like Brian said.
I saw a video presentation today, sent to me by a high profile guy and making a presentation to a high profile company and NOW circulating this presentation proudly via youtube…and he used ‘retard’ – I flinched.
Not only because my son has brain damage from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (caused by his birth mother’s drinking) but because he goes to school with 400 amazing folks with similar ‘exceptional’ circumstances.
This is not a ‘dumb’ community. The special needs folks are amazing, warm hearted, talented, wise and loving. They deserve our respect and utmost care. Not our dismissal and disregard.
Ignorance is such a shame. Brian I hope they listen to you, my friend. But often the worse perpetrators will be deaf to wise counsel.
xo to you and your ‘Action Jackson’ – he has stolen my heart!
Thanks Carrie! We got a “special” connection for sure.
I do not use the word “retard” EVER and I cannot tolerate for others to use it. I never allowed my kids to say it. My older sister is mentally handicapped and I find it deeply upsetting for people to toss that word around as though it doesn’t matter. Most people think I’m making a big deal out of nothing… but when you grow up with a sister like I did and you know the hurtful things that happened to her, it gives you a compassion that a lot of people seem to lack.
Right on Aimee!
Thanks for all you do.
Thanks for sharing this timely and relevant dialogue. When I’m in a situation like that, and I desperately need to call out the person on it, I start my conversion with “Paul, you need to be careful about using the term “____”. My son is _____ and I’m sure if there were other parents here, they may have a lot of trouble with that.
This is the easiest way to be direct without putting the heavy on them. Seems to work pretty well. (The word “careful” obviously is the key; it packs a subtle punch.)
It took me a while to feel comfortable enough to start addressing people.
I know that very few ever mean it in a negative way..they just don’t know.
Thanks for the comment Joachim!
Great article Brian. I think that because we as a society have used this word in other contexts, not directed at the mentally handicapped, that it kind of rolls out without thinking of what you are saying, like what we as a society used to do with the “n” word. It’s a matter of retraining your language and using other words to express yourself, which means you must think about your language and how you use it. In our fast paced society, I think many don’t think before they speak, we just speak what’s on our mind, using language that we typically use, right, wrong or indifferent.
When I have used the “r” word, I have never related it to the mentally challenged, but generally to an action or statement made by someone that was out in left field. For those that have mentally handicapped family members, I understand how this could be very offensive. I know of
a family with a Down syndrome child, and he is the delight in their life, and could never imagine a life without him.
Thanks for pointing this out, and I hope that we all can better ourselves by improving our language and how we use it. I know I will.
THanks for the honest comment Valerie. I used to use the word also.
I just didn’t know…
Right on brother! Totally acknowledge you for having a backbone of titanium, Brian.
I fully support your position. It used to be that when you voiced your opinion about something this sensitive, you were taking a huge risk of alienating yourself from your community; personal, career or otherwise. Not anymore! You have an equally powerful community today that will stand by your side, Brian. Really glad you made the choice to write about this and I get that while Jackson is a huge driving force, it’s not all about him but about getting people present to what’s coming out of their mouth. It’s about people being willing to BE responsible for what they say and how it lands on other people.
We can make this world better.
Thanks Charlie!
Great eye opener Brain. It’s amazing to me the choice of words that people use sometimes. We have so many of them to choose from.
I tell my 4yr old a story I made up for him when he was 2 called “Super V” (he knows he is super V & takes it very seriously)about how Super V helps people in many situations like being stuck in a tree, helping grandma with groceries, stopping kids from bullying, and many more. Your article added a new story line where Super V will help people when someone is saying negative and/or mean words to them.
Thank you and your son is blessed to have a super dad!
Great story Michael!
You gotta good kid on your hand over there.
Power to Super V !!!!!!!!!
Reply
Great story Michael!
You gotta good kid on your hand over there.
Power to Super V !!!!!!!!!
I know the feeling quite well. I was labeled a slow learner as a child in the late sixties by the very institutions of that time. I saw it first hand. I was devastated as a child growing up and believing I had such a disability. Today they call it “ADD”. I could see the judgement in there eyes. He’s a retard he won’t make it. However as I grew up I soon realized all those beliefs I had of myself came from within.
I new I had to change my way of thinking. I truly believe we are more than just are physical body. We are Human beings with the will to change are destiny’s. I couldn’t find the Greek definition of Human online. I think it goes like this Hu- means God and Man- means Mind. I think the Greeks were right about us. We are of godly minded people. Brian is on the right track. Collectively as “Human” we can change the world.
Love to your son he is special, as all of us are.
Great comment Guy!
THanks for sharing about your childhood. Love it…
You so struck a nerve with me. Having special child myself, I hear the same things all the time. I have to swallow hard and know the ones using such negative terms are just stupid but at times I really want get in their face over it. Your post was such a great parable and I hope many read it because of the title and then are convict when they realize how time they have used such a hurtful term. I will be posting and tweeting this.
Thanks for all you do man!
Your little man rocks Steve!
Thank you for highlighting this craziness. I have four African American children who will grow up and deal with people like you mentioned and know too that there will be people like you!
Thanks for reading Hope!
Thanks for sharing that Brian. I know I need to be more thoughtful. I appreciate the insights and wish you and your son all the very best.
Rod
You are very welcome Rod. Glad you found some benefit out of it,
Brian, wow! I commend you on speaking out, you personally understand the pain that’s inflicted with such damaging words. I’m black, I felt the words jump off the page and slap me in the face (again) as I embraced your words. Thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone and bringing a word that’s carelessly used and yet not looked upon as with the seriousness as it should. I personally don’t even like the word DOWN Syndrome. You’ve already diminished an individual with a word such as DOWN without giving them a true chance to simple be human. Your child may have challenges in this cruel world we live in but God knew exactly the type of parents he was giving an opportunity to in order to show the world what true love is. My brother you continue to speak from the heart, forget about a reputation, people will view you as they see and there’s nothing you can do to change that, just continue to be true to yourself and your family. The rest will take care of itself.
Thanks Anthony! Great words from a good guy…
I actually exited a webinar a couple of months ago because the “guru” running it repeatedly used the word retard.. I couldn’t believe it, maybe in the States its widely used but I know for a fact it is not here in the UK.
I typed into the chat box asking “does this guy realise how offensive the word is” but no reply.. so I just logged out in disgust.
Nick
Its used a lot over here in the US…but as people become aware over its impact they stop using it.
In my experience its nothing but people being unaware that its a hurtful word.
Thanks for the comments Nicky!
Thanks Brian for writing this article. Your a great dad! Ya know, maybe we`re (those of us who think were “normal”) the ones who are really handicapped. God wants us to love one another as He loves us, unconditionally and we “normal” people are the ones who seem to have a problem doing that.
Thank you SO much KIm.
We can learn a lot about life from all other beings on the planet.
I know a man who runs an organization called SAFE (Sports are For Everyone). His organization won an award last week and as he spoke in the microphone – my heart just melted… He told an audience of 200 or so, next time you see a kid in a wheel chair, or a child who doesn’t “look” like yours – Don’t look away or avoid eye contact, simply look him / her in the eye and say hello. You will make their day, and you will be amazed at how wonderful you feel reaching out to another human being.
So thank you for this post… brings the message home even more so.
Good advice Melissa!
I go out of my way to do that now. And Jackson has been on the receiving end of the compliments from strangers too…and it does mean more than you can imagine.
Brian,
I commend you for speaking out and championing the cause for your beautiful son, Jackson, and for others. I have a cousin with Down Syndrome and she has been the delight of the family for over 50 years now. As a former school counselor, I grew to love so many of the special needs children I was privileged to help over the years. Every one of us has a gift – no matter the circumstances. You’re so right. The gift of the Down Syndrome child is the gift of love. Jackson has helped to make you a better person and I’m so glad he has you in his life. I hope we all work together to make our world a better, more accepting place. Because there is not one of us in this world who is perfect. Thank you for sharing Jackson with us through stories and the cute pics. I’m enjoying watching him grow up.
Blanche
Glad to have known you for so long Blanche (well before there was even a Jackson
)
Thanks for the continued support and your insightful comment about your experience with special kids.
My father taught us when we were teenagers which was long ago. Do not judge people but you will know the quality of the person by the words they speak. And you are you who hang with. Don’t continue in conversations with low class, insensitive people, instead walk away, hold your head high, take a deep breath and thank God you have the wisdom to be a leader. Be humble kind caring tough and strong and you will be the leader man searches for.
I still remember his words 30 years later. Brian don’t be upset….pity the fools. Smile and give your son the love he needs and deserves. And don’t worry, intelligent and good people know better.
Thanks Jim!
I’m a happy Da-Da for sure.
ALMOST Good for you Brian…I grew up with a severely “retarded” cousin. He lived for 23 years as a 3 month infant. I was taught at an early age to respect everyone even those much less fortunate. Personally, I wish you would out those in attendance so that we could all avoid purchasing their offers. That would truly teach them a lesson. You are somewhat like Joe Paterno, you haven’t done enough and while others applaud you, I say, what are you still protecting them???
This person used the word without knowledge of its impact. I talked to them a couple of months later, and I’ve not hear it since. They also made a donation to a DS charity in Jacksons name.
He was truly sorry and changed.
He’s a very good guy… Just didn’t know the impact of the word.
Fair enough…thanks for following up.
Super mature of you to tell them in private Brian instead of outing them in public.
Why fight with hate and anger? Fight with love.
Thanks Brian for sharing this as I have experienced this first hand. yes in our extended family one of my cousin’s has Down Syndrome … she is so good, I wish my thoughts were as pure and innocent. A taste of heaven, I know how others react, your right they have no clue as to what love is. Did you see the TV special about the guy how has down syndrome and owns his own restaurant and gives every customer a hug? Ha he is more successful than me. Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.
Thanks for the continued support Doug!
You are one of the good ones…
I confess that the wost that I have ever felt in my soul was about 6 years ago. I was one of those heartless idiots that never used the retard comment, but I had no problem making “short bus” comments. In line at the store, I was with my wife. Prior to us getting into the store, a guy had cut us off in the parking lot. I was going off about it and made reference that he needed to get out from behind the wheel… well it doesn’t bare repeating here, but none the less, the comment was made and no sooner than I made it, I looked up ahead of us, and in line, checking out, listening to my every comment, was a lady looking right at me with, not hate, but sadness as she grabbed her groceries in one hand and the hand of her young daughter in the other who obviously had Downs.
I never felt so low as I did then and today I actually relay this story and call out people when they do this. Thanks for the post.
Good stuff Franklin. Most people are like you, and never mean to hurt anyone.
Thank you for your words. Years ago, I drove a school bus for some of these exceptional children, and I’ll tell you I’m not so sure we aren’t the ones who are abnormal, and they are the normal ones. They are so full of love and unconditional acceptance. They are so often the wonderful people that we all wish we were. One thing that I myself try to do is stop using words even like normal and abnormal (even though I used it up above). What is normal, anyway? What is abnormal? Aren’t we all exceptional in certain ways, including these people that society tends to disregard, and cast to the sidelines?
Thanks Les!
You know first hand…
Very eloquently done. Nice job at making a great point!
Thanks Tim!
Thanks Brian for an insightful piece. As the father of a mentally handicapped daughter, I empathize with the challenges faced from a desensitized environment where ignorant behavior is seemingly applauded and encouraged. I’ve had a tendency to paint everyone with a broad brush but that is a trap which is difficult to escape. As you’ve done, the family will always serve as the backbone and true defender against any injustice. I’ve learned that my daughter will have to face the harsh reality of the human character and we can only be there to wipe away the tears and provide the assurance that she is loved for just being her.
Brian,
Thanks for having the courage to put this out in the open. I personally find the R word just as offensive as the N word. I have taught my two daughters to not use it and I’ve even heard them ask their friends to do likewise.
You are an awesome Dad and a great example for your children on how to treat others with kindness, no matter the situation.
- Jean
Hi Brian,
First of all, I would like to say that you are a good man and you and your family will be truly blessed.
To the unmentioned internet marketer and the people that laughed and agreed with his hateful words:
“You Reap What You Sow!”
God hears all, He judges all and He punishes all! That’s a 100% guarantee!
When you speak and spread evil, death and destruction comes right back and smack you and your family in the face! And yet, you wonder why all of these bad things are happening to you.
However, when you speak and spread love, joy, peace and happiness, great rewards for you and your family will rain down so GREAT that you won’t have room enough to store it.
The tongue is the most dangerous weapon in the world! It has killed and destroyed more lives than all the guns and bombs since the beginning of time!
When my siblings and I were growing up, I will always remember my mom and dad teaching us to love everyone and treat everyone as if they were your brother and your sister.
Because you know why? We ALL are related as one big family. We are all God’s children.
In closing, I would like to quote something that have stayed with me my entire life. It is a quote from the late Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King. And I quote:
“Before you open your mouth and say something about someone, answer these 3 questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it nice?
If you say “no” to one of these questions, please hold your tongue and ask for forgiveness for your sin.”
Take care Brian and we wish you more and more success!
SORRY! I don’t believe anyone would say that kind of stuff in this niche
….nig*r
And yes I am colored.
Common man from a different nationality!
Bless you! My sister, the sweetest, kindest most loving and giving person I have ever known is mentally handicapped. Only God knows how many times some thoughtless jerk has taunted and ridiculed her and reduced her to tears because of her disability.
As the eldest child in our family, it has been my duty and an honor to defend her from heartless bullies and ignorant people all our lives. Whether my sister is with me or not, whenever someone uses the term “retard” in my presence I politely inform them that I find the term offensive. All of my friends have fallen into the habit of asking others to refrain from using the term as well.
It does my heart good to know that others feel as I do.
Brian, God obviously wanted to give your son a wonderful father to love and care for him. Thank you for taking a stand against the bigotry that so many mentally handicapped people endure daily. God bless and keep you and your famiy.
Best,
Kathy
Great post Brian.
Sad that you have to shock and awe people by first presenting the ‘N’ word story but I totally get why you would and to great effect.
I began my professional career as the founding coordinator of the Social Justice in Education program at UMass Amherst while in a doctoral program there. Ableism as it was known then, was one of the seminars we developed and led along with racism, homophobia, sexism, classism, and anti-semitism.
One of my best friends has been leading workshops on disability awareness helping people recognize the extent to which language matters.
I hope rather than flinch at use of words like retard/retarded that we all put some action behind our convictions and kindly point out that while most often no offense was intended, offensive it is.
On a personal note, having attended many internet marketing events I would love to see a man post about the subtle and once the bar opens, not so subtle sexism alive and well among otherwise intelligent entrepreneurs.
Valerie Young
Hey Brian
Its sad that as humans we are this way. As I have gotten older i have really thought about how many jokes that i repeated and laughed at that would really hurt someone. The sad thing is some people will never get it. It is a long road to change and we can do it by one person at a time. Once again great article you have written.Your little family is so blessed to have a man like you in their lives. You knoow the Linns here in calif. think very fondly of Mr. Jackson and that little girl is pretty darn cute. All the best from Calif.
We all fight this horrible thing, the fine line between being funny and fitting in, by impressing our friends, especially if one is trying to be cool, or “In”. Stop it! Grow up and put yourself on the other end of your cute conversation. Barbed wire cuts on both sides of the fence. Don’t let your prejudice poke through your skin like a brier and hurt someone. I bet if you recorded yourself and played it back, either tomorrow or next week, you would change your words and be kind and considerate. I am the brother of a mentally challenged sister. I love her not just like a brother but like a true friend and protector. Watch your words, they show your ignorance, despite your education. Show some smarts, read the book “Forgiving Waters”, you might learn something.
My mother is a retired Special Education teacher. The first word she ever banished in our house was retard. She understood the terrible power of this word, and what it means for those who say it and those who hear it.
Thanks for this post.
EXPOSED: Racism is Rampant in Upper Echelons of the Internet Marketing World
I am here because I read the headline, which incidentally turns out to be completely invalid. I admit that I was riveted when I began reading only until I came to the part where you said you had substituted the word “retard” for the word “nigger” for your story. Apples and Oranges, Bait and Switch… I was taken aback that someone would attempt to equate ‘in any way’ these two words and then use the word nigger for any basis of illustration for argument or discussion about a completely unrelated topic. Did You think about the possible implications that your comparison or your equating apples and oranges might bring?
I was then surprised at the number of people who had commented showing ‘significantly impaired cognitive functioning’ in not reading and further comprehending the fact that the word nigger was never said in the first place. What word could be used to describe these people who, though they may be of a more sound cognitive ability than someone with ‘alternate mental ability’, did not pick up on the fact that the word nigger was never said?
Then to add insult to injury a good majority of the rest of the comments were all from ‘whitey’ about their individual experience with ignorant people and their use of the word retard in regard to their family members and others who are of ‘alternate mental ability’. Even the few black people who commented were oblivious to the racial slurring that started this post.
There was also a great deal of back patting going on here as well and the odd individual admission to using the word retard, but no one mentioned anything about the comparison and/or the equation made between the use of the words nigger and retard (when the ‘n’ word was never even used or said in any context in the first place, as the title suggests it was), and the word retard used to describie those of alternate mental ability.
Who are the retards and who are the racists here?
As a white man I am offended.
Just sayin…
The point of the headline and intro was to rivet the reader.
The point of the switch, was to get people to open their minds and see that making fun of kids with metal challenges is just as bad as making racist comments.
10 years ago, if I wrote this article about the word “fag” you would probably have responded the same way as above…saying “apples and oranges”. But that doesn’t make the word any less hurtful to our fellow humans.
And you thoughts were probably not mentioned because most people do not agree with you. Even ones that use the word on a regular basis, realize that its easy to swap it out with another word.
We are all aware of the racism of the past…what they show on TV and teach in school…and stuff we’ve seen with your own eyes.
But are you aware of how mental disabled people were treated in our very recent history?
Near 70% left at the hospital, locked away in institutions (we are talking in the last 20 years)….
Even today in Eastern Europe children with DS are considered less than human and embarrassing to their parents because of their appearance. They are given up at birth and if not internationally adopted by the time they are 5, they spend the rest of their lives chained to a bed in an institution.
I’ll close with a quote from one of the best actors alive today…that as an older black male lived through racism at levels you (and I) will never understand…and yet he still finds discrimination against people with disabilities the worst.
“Attacking people with disabilities is the lowest display of power I can think of” – Morgan Freeman
Thanks for this post Brian.
So many of us are labeled in a hurtful way, through ignorance, intolerance and just plain thoughtlessness.
I am a zaftig woman who was always told I have such a pretty face. The subtext was always “but you’re chubby, so you’re less than”. Growing up in an age when skinny is the societal norm was hard and it is just one more dagger people hurl at you.
I worked as an RN in behavioral health for many years and came to know many developmentally delayed, mentally ill and otherwise challenged people. I have worked with people who bore their disabilities outwardly in the form of deformities, dwarfism, many things visible that caused others to cast aspersions on them because of the way they looked.
I have heard people laugh about anyone they perceived as different from themselves.
What I have come to believe is that normalcy is an arbitrary term and as a society, we are so quick to judge others by the way they look, or the way they articulate speech, or dress…and what we forget is that under all of the exterior trappings of our bodies, our clothes, our demeanor, or our mentation, we are all alike.
We feel, we love, we hurt; we are human beings and all of us have our gifts and our trials.
I wish that all of us could have just a second to walk in another persons shoes. We might all find that the shoes are the same, the steps we take as human beings are the same.
Perhaps it is cliche, but wouldn’t it be nice if we were all just…nice to each other?
Julie
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this is an excellent post. The point here is not the word that that person used. The point is there are many people in this industry who believe they belong to an elite group.
And as part of that group, they have privileged special information. They want to withhold that information from other less equal groups.
They frequently invite and establish networking contacts with other people in their perceived circle.
It’s more than a standard racism. It’s more than black-and-white issue. It’s also a America versus non-American issue.
It’s like an American SEO cartel. When the Middle East people did it with oil, people were outraged. When the Hunt brothers did it with silver, people were outraged.
I hope at some point, some of these SEO elite people, will have compassion and throw some crumbs to the Third World.
Beautifully said. I wrote an article a few years ago that referred to making something so simple your grandmother could do it. Guy Kawasaki reviewed it for me and called me out for “oldism.” Now, I am a grandmother and wrote a book inspired by the disconnect between new parents’ views of their parents and new grandparents’ self-image. You’d think I’d know better. It’s hard to get rid of stereotypes. Thanks for a thoughtful reminder.
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